BOSTON — Jarren Duran never lifted his eyes or raised his head, but words were enough from the Red Sox outfielder.
Before Tuesday's game against the Blue Jays, Duran spoke candidly about a suicide attempt in 2022, a deeply personal moment shared in the Red Sox's new Netflix series, "The Clubhouse."
"I mean, the whole purpose of me sharing is just kind of to get it out there and let people know that they're not alone," said Duran. "Even if I could just help one person, it's meaningful. So I'm just trying to let people know that there's always help and to make sure that they're reaching out."
Duran was a highly touted prospect in the Red Sox farm system, celebrated for his rare blend of speed and power once he reached Triple-A. But his early years in the majors didn't unfold as expected. He struggled in 2021. And then the following year when Duran received even more runway in the big leagues, he struggled both in the outfield and at the dish, hitting just .222 in 58 games.
Boston's tough market didn't make things any easier for Duran, who was booed relentlessly the day after losing a fly ball in the twilight, this was on top of receiving his fair share of criticism from much of the media. It was then that Duran reached his breaking point.
"I couldn't deal with telling myself how much I sucked every day," Duran said in the docuseries. "I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me. [It's not like] I haven't told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn't even want to be here anymore."
Players and team executives gathered around the edges and behind the media scrum Tuesday as Duran told his story -- one he hopes can help save lives. According to his manager, Alex Cora, Duran already has.
"He's saving lives," said Cora. "And for a guy that wears his emotions on his sleeves, I think we should applaud him. Obviously it's not going to be a packed house tonight with the weather, but he should get a standing ovation right away. Not for what he went through, but what he's doing with it."
In truth, this is a weight Duran will likely always carry. He went on to have a breakout year in 2024, becoming an All-Star for the first time and winning All-Star Game MVP. Even at the height of his success, Duran remained a reserved figure, often declining one-on-one interviews after the All-Star break and only speaking in group settings. Despite his breakout, there was still an air of uncertainty--about his talent, and perhaps within himself. The pressure of external and internal factors still played a part.
"I still struggle with it," said Duran on reaching out for help. "It's like trying to tell an alcoholic not to drink. I've never really been a very vocal person with my feelings. But I have good friends around me that know how to drag it out of me. I've gotten a lot of stuff that I like to do personally, and it's helped a lot."
Duran turned to journaling as a way to quiet the anxiety and dark thoughts that often consumed him.
Some days are better than others, but Duran has his team around him, including mental health experts for the Red Sox, who help him on a daily basis. Duran, too, has become a voice for younger players on the team, hoping to make their transition to the big leagues seamless, something he didn't experience as a rookie.
Duran has even taken it a step further by launching a foundation.
"I just want people to feel like they have somebody to talk to and that we can get them the help they need," Duran added. "I want to focus on everybody but also the younger generation. I feel like if we can prepare them at a younger age it will prepare them for adulthood."